D'oh...

When you're sick, the most discouraging sound in the world is an alarm clock.

-brian

The Future---In Your Pocket

I have two lexicons--phrases I use constantly inside my mind, and those I say out loud. Now, there's a lot of cross-over between the two. For example, in both lexicons the phrase "I wonder-" is at the top of the list. But there are many divergences.

Some phrases I only use out loud, like the suffixes "... right?" and "... you know what I mean?" There's the emphatics like "CRAP" and "Not again!"--both of which, interestingly, I find frequent context for using.

On the other hand, certain phrases seldom make it out of my head. "So THAT'S where that went" is one that usually stays inside. I also say "Wait, what?" "Stop," and "Okay" to myself a lot, but try not to use them so frequently in conversation.

So I recently noticed that a particular phrase has made it to the top of my internal lexicon. You'd probably never guess unless I told you, so I will.

The phrase that has gained so much prominence in my mind is...

ready?...

"Where's the Purell?"

I got hooked on the instant hand sanitizer this summer when I had to sit in my car overnight. I had a bottle of Purell on hand and made use of it after "going to the port-a-potty" or eating fast food. But over time, I began using it on more and more occassions.

When I finished my coffee, squirt.

When I sneezed or coughed, squirt.

When I shook hands with strangers, squirt.

When I finished reading a book, squirt.

I propose that we make it fashionable to keep a bottle of Purell on you at all times. I'm sure you can imagine all the practical applications, but the most important is that it would encourage men to wash their hands more.

I don't know what it is, but for some reason 75% of the men I see go into the restroom never wash their hands when done. Sure, they'll touch the cold metal levers on the urinals and toilets. Sure, they'll stop at the mirror to look at their hair. Sure, they'll proceed to pull the door open and thus spread their waste remnants, germs, and smell about.

But wash their hands? How dare we ask them to? I mean, they have to pull up on the faucet lever, put their hands under running water, push in on the soap dispenser, lather up the soap, stick their hands back under the running water, then push down on the faucet lever, and finally pull out a paper towel to dry off their hands.

This is too many steps to ask a guy to add to a bathroom routine which otherwise goes stop. unzip. go. zip. flush [maybe]. leave.

But think about Purell in the place of soap... they'd just have to go open. squirt. snap. rub. go.

And the world would be a much cleaner place.

How about it?

-brian

Happy Thanksgiving!

We all know that today is a day to be thankful. And I bet a lot of the blog community will remind you of that fact, and ask you to reflect on all the good things in life that you should praise God for having.

And they'll probably compose lists of important and significant things to be thankful for.

So they'll toss God, family, country, turkey, jobs, etc. on the list, and cover all that territory thoroughly--too thoroughly for me to add anything to the conversation of high-priority thankfuls.

So instead, I will create a list of things you might overlook, but should really be thankful for. Here it comes:

-The power cord. The living room would be a dark, entertainless place without it.

-The lamp shade. Not only does it add aesthetic value to illumination, it also makes a great hat or megaphone. Here's to a very versatile piece of fabric and wire!

-The meat thermometer. Without which, we would never know when the turkey was done.

-Toilet paper. It makes life so much easier, and yet rarely gets any credit.

-The "Shift" and "." keys. These two put in a lot of hours, but the letters get all the prestige. So I raise my glass to these two, even if none else will.

-The eyelash. It makes the face prettier, and keeps crud off the eyeball. Without the eyelash, sight just wouldn't be the same.

-The paper tray. Just imagine printing if you had to load paper in one sheet at a time. Ugh.

-The quotation mark. Another piece of punctuation which we take for granted, but which does enough work to deserve a nod.

-The anti-perspriant stick. It dries and deodorizes, and makes dealing with other people much easier.

-The remote control. It provides us with the means to be even lazier while sitting down to watch TV.

-The doorknob. It allows us to open walls without breaking them!

And la piece de resistance...

-The flange. It's that lever inside of the toilet which automatically turns off the water, preventing your business from escaping back out of the bowl. Ours recently went on a 10-minute break, and it took some convincing to get it to start working again. But when it did, I learned to really appreciate that piece of plastic and the job it does.


Okay. Happy Thanksgiving. Count your blessings.
-brian

Thoughts

-I went shopping on Thursday, and decided to look for a shirt made in the USA. It's really hard--all the big brands are shipping out of Singapore, China, Mauritius, Malawi, and hundreds of other impoverished countries. I ended up buying one out of Mauritius.

-I miss Tim, Cate, and Kathy. Come back.

-Annie Hall is a really depressing movie. I didn't know that Woody Allen could star in a touching movie.

-It would be nice to receive a letter. Not an e-mail, but a letter: with a stamp and envelope and everything. I would love that. Maybe I should send one if I want to get one.

-I like it when the streetlight catches the fog. It makes everything look more... elegant.

-brian

A Dark Day

Today, I had to say goodbye to a child I have never met.

-brian